Mirage 

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If I cared for you before, I certainly do now
Even though when I think of you, it’s another frown
Ever since the day I left town
I never see you around
Or hear from you, no sound
The joke is up, like a retired clown

I still care what you think
If you needed me, I’d be around in a blink
Smiles and laughs with a drink
That’s what I remember when I think
But things change in a blink
We said best friends to the brink

But I guess 800 miles was the edge
Cause when I turn, it’s just me on the ledge

Next time shut the door when you leave
I kept waiting to hear your feet rustling the leaves
But please
Don’t do your next like me and leave like a breeze
Words do matter to me
When you said best friend, I believed
But if you don’t want to anymore, be free
I always get caught up in the tease
That when you say best friend,
From here on out, I’ll freeze. 

Home (less)

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They say home is where the heart is
Then I’ll gladly be homeless
Just like my good friend Bradley,
I’ll wait for you gladly
And those nights I miss you badly
I thank the Lord for making you so lovely.

I’m keeping this one short
But this is a mission I won’t abort
When the waves come crashing around
I know you’ll be by my side, no frown.

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Good Morning vs Good Mourning

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When the sun rises from the hilly
And the birds and animals sing their trilly
I wake with a yawn, today has a good filly
No alarm clocks, not that, whining so frilly
The morning is quiet, calm, and still
Peace in my heart, today my only will
Today my only goal, is to relax with zeal
the morning sky is painted teal
Oh, what a wonderful feel.

The arrival of the sun signifies class
Don’t talk to me, I’ll give you that sass
Also, don’t talk to me, I haven’t had my sassafras
the birds can shut up, for all I care
And squirrels, the critters, even the hare
And speaking of my hair
What a mess!
I can’t go like this, and how should I dress?
This morning is locked full of dread
Of that I’m certain, I’d rather have bedhead
Why must I feel
So different about the morning?
Good morning to good mourning
Oh, there’s no warning.

Body, Heart, then Mind

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See, the thing is, I don’t even remember when it happened

at no point did I look up and notice, didn’t have that satisfaction.

By the time I realized where I was, I didn’t have a choice

I thought I could speak without you, but then I found my voice.

The mind, the heart, and the body don’t always work together

the body always falls first, quickest to break the tether.

Eyes send a response to the brain, “I want that”

close the eyes and the desire remains, the armor is cracked.

The heart falls second, and I don’t even hear it

those around me saw it first, on the sleeve I wear it

I started out in denial, but when I look back I’d swear it.

The heart is a trickster, those who own it don’t know it’s intentions

my actions told others what I didn’t even mention.

My mind was the last to trip up, hard to pin down.

Our minds, we’re guarded against ourselves, told from the start what to expect

told if our partners aren’t this or that, we won’t have the desired effect.

Somebody pleasing, but not too pleasing, somebody experienced, but not too experienced

somebody not broken, but still in need of fixing, somebody predictable, but not on the fence.

All these preconceptions, these misconceptions, these expected models of standard

these ideas, these notions of the perfect yet fixable person, it’s an undefinable word

Because that word, and those people don’t exist

we’re all broken quite a bit

and despite what we’re taught from a young age, I think the mind knows it.

That’s why the mind is the last to fall

when I saw the real, the person she is, the flaws

and she showed me who she was, down came the walls

and the love came cascading down like a waterfall.

The life we’re taught to live, the people we’re taught to attract

it doesn’t really work, life is more of a fall followed by adjustment instead of a journey of facts

So when you fall, embrace the fallen barriers

When the mind recognizes the real, it’s a new track on the stereo.

Second

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So when did I begin to rule my own life?
Was it when I quit church, and didn’t pay the tithe?
Was it when I moved away from my parents, and dealt with my own financial strife?
Was it when she said nature intervened, and I didn’t have to live a lie?
Or maybe it’s when I got the pen and paper, and began to write?
I think it’s fair to say I don’t rule my life.
All those things I’ve listed? Own me, despite my fight.
Leaving the church didn’t free me, just opened my eyes
to the people, above and below me, to my peers all around me.
From the rule of ignorance to the burden of being observant, still ruled. Leaving the rule of my parents, just moved me from paying them with time, to paying others with a monthly rent.
And this pen and this paper? Still measured by a ruler.
Like, how many hits did I get on the blog this time?
Were they feeling the design, or is that a crooked line?
All I’m trying to say, in a culture that champions independence,
there’s not a whole lot of ownership, when all I pay is rent.
I’m owned by the things I own, but I’ve convinced myself,
that this is some kind of freedom, instead of sitting on the shelf.
Sure, I’m not owned by what I started with, but now I’m just owned again, what if freedom is a myth?

In His Hands

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Carefully examine the things you say
The answer to your problem may be clear as day
That’s the problem with things repeated often
We say them so much that the meaning softens
For example, we say to put it into God’s hand
Yet in practice, our actions say leave it alone until God can
It’s passive versus active, the crux of humanity
Too scared to put in the work, for the fear of failure and profanity
But I think God asks us to put it in His hand, that’s active
That means for us to do some of the work also, it’s a tactic
We won’t appreciate God’s work,
If we never appreciate our work.
And I’m not saying work until our bones are brittle,
But I’m saying our faith ought to be active, it’s not a riddle
We can’t be passive and believe in an active God
So when we’ve got issues let’s put it in His hands, and not call Him a fraud
When we’ve left it alone, making Him fetch our problems like a dog.

First

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They say we won’t talk the same, won’t stand the same, walk the same. Cause when I was changed, change isn’t the same. The change comes from my hands, not from my name. And I’m not saying my name isn’t good, but it no longer surrounds my head like a hood. I find my delight in a different eye,, a different light engulfs me, brights in the night. Staying rooted to a life of substance, not to be abused, or to hide behind a fence but to embrace others, entertain their thoughts, while remaining rooted to the cause, not to be fought but understood. Like a tree, not hidden from the weather, but rather standing firm through the storm, to the ground it’s tethered. That’s the life, not to be blown about in the wind, not to combat those who disagree, but to be their friend. To provide fruit no matter the the way of their brain, to stand firm despite the rain.